I was listening to a talk radio show a few weeks ago and something one of the hosts said shocked me. They had been discussing how the male host had stood his ground and refused to be badgered by a salesman and the female host said "Well, I just wouldn't have done that." when asked why she replied , "because I'm a nice person." I was stunned because I had heard that sort of statement before. As if being assertive, or standing up for yourself or being strong was only done by people that were not 'nice'.

I'm a nice person, I will be kind and giving to those around me, yet if someone wants to take advantage of me, or play games, or screw with my money or my family, that is where I stand my ground. I don't scream or call names, but I will dig my heels in and not allow anyone to wear me down when it is a matter of something I stand for. Somehow I think there are two things that woman on the radio never thought about. One was that why is it rude or not nice to be refuse to be badgered by someone who obviously doesn't care if THEY are rude? And the second, by acting as if they are the epitome of grace and agreement they are being dishonest and fake. By hoping to avoid confrontation, they are actually just fueling a future resentment about that situation later. ie; let some salesjerk talk you and your spouse into something you don't want and later you might decide to blame your spouse for not saying no. "I don't understand why you couldn't have stood up for us and said no!" "Well, honey you were the one smiling at the guy and saying what a good idea it seemed like".

If 'being a nice person' means being taken in, and doing and having a lot of things/bills that I really didn't want in my life, I'll take being called mean.

In one years' time I had to call Bank of America 7 times! Why? Because THEY made errors to my accounts that cost me over a thousand dollars. Each time I called, the phone person hemmed and hawed about how it didn't seem like it was their error, that I should just pay it. I stood my ground, had all my facts straight and got ALL of my money back PLUS in one case they GAVE me $90.00, for all the previous trouble I had had. I have taught my kids to dispute things they know are wrong in their bills as well. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself. If you don't noone will.

There is a way to do that w/o being a screaming lunatic or a bully. But it certainly doesn't mean someone is not nice if they stand their ground. I respect people that do that.