Envy

Oh isn't it a perfect bit of heaven to see someone with something you do not have and that you want so much? For me, little electronic gadgets are the focus of a lot of my envy, add to that anything that makes me look at what I have presently with distaste and a more critical eye.

Maybe that is what is the most dangerous about Envy. On the one hand, Sure if I want that 'thing' badly enough I might go out and save my money and work to acquire one of these objects. That would be simple enough right. I might budget my mad money enough by skipping Starbucks for a year and getting a Dyson for instance. But if my envy causes me to HAVE to keep up with the Jones' and I cannot seem to be happy without the next new thing then I'm in trouble.

That whole 'grass is greener thing' , I can see if what I think I want is actually what I want by this litmus test. I ask myself some questions.

Was I perfectly content and able to live my life without this what ever it was?
Am I looking at what this thing is going to replace in my life as if suddenly it has more flaws or is worse just in sheer comparison now?
How about that last 'new great thing'. That 'thing' that was my sole focus and desire before this one came along. How long did that make me happy? And do I even remember why I wanted it so much in the first place?

Example. Yes, I confess! I would looooooove a Dyson. The more I hear about these things the more I want one. and in comparison, my 3 other vacuums here seem somehow, inadequate. Now when I got each of them I was excited, in fact I had never had a vac before and saved up for a long time to get one. I was thrilled to even have one and not have to sweep my carpets. Now that is a case of inanimate objects. The most that could happen there is that I could be miserly with money to buy things that I want until I max out my credit cards and get into trouble financially.

If I am talking about something more important I could say for instance I'm in a relationship. I love who I am with, they have been there in tough times and we have created a life together, surely it is not always perfect but it's what I wanted at some level. Along comes a new person in my life that tells me all about their boyfriend. He buys flowers, writes poems, opens the doors and pulls out the chairs, lights the cigarettes, and does a lot of things I would like in my relationship but are not there. He gets her little gifts to show his love.
Envy drives me to look at my relationship with a critical eye. The one in my house never buys flowers, tosses me the lighter to light my own smoke, rarely calls to say they will be late, and I focus on all of those things they are not doing that that 'other guy' is doing. Suddenly even though I didn't notice these things before, I do now and it effects my mood and relationship. The poor guy doesn't even know he's been in competition with this other person and that he is losing. All they see is that suddenly I'm angry with them and lol they haven't got a clue why. (No wonder guys are confused)

Envy can be like an invisible 'cancer' to my spiritual body. Causing me to burn up energy and effort towards all these external things that I think will make me happy. There is never going to be a vacuum or a car or gadget or person that is going to make that feeling of discontent go away for anymore than a little while. They are all things I use to distract me from working on what will truly make me happy in the long term.

Any of you do that? Suddenly dislike what you have based on what someone else has or something you could have?

**footnote** I laughed when I reread this. I did break down and buy the Dyson which I like very much, but truly today as I look around my life, there is nothing I need or want right now that I do not already have. Maybe more sleep. Funny what can happen in a year's time.